So, I'm feeling more than a little overwhelmed.

I knew, going into it, that this month would be hard. It's the first month in which there is no final paycheck to soften the finances. Just my first pension check and Beloved's SS check, which is significantly larger than my own would be, because he worked longer and earned more in his lifetime than I did.

I think I'm feeling mild depression on top of my chronic anxiety. It might be time to ask my doctor to up my dosage. Or maybe I should just grab my Ray Charles CD and boogie until my crabby hip says WHOA!

The bad news is that they took October's and November's Medicare Part B premiums out of my SS check. The good news is that I can set up an automatic reimbursement from the HRA account which is part of my retirement, and that anything leftover in that account rolls over into next year. (This is separate from, and different from, the reimbursement account I had when I was working, in which a set amount was taken from my paychecks to fund future reimbursements, and anything left at the end of the year was lost to me. I never had that problem, between my medical expenses and those of the bipolar bears. I usually exhausted the fund between April and June.)

It's not all doom and gloom. I have a carefully constructed, updated spreadsheet in which the regular expenses are all accounted for. There's very little margin for error, error being groceries and unexpected medical bills. There's also light at the end of the tunnel, in that next year I'll get the generous COLA increase and a decrease in the Part B premium, which will effectively give me a raise of nearly $200 a month.

I'm cooking a lot more, both in frequency and in volume, and I'm grateful for the strength to stand and stir. I'm portioning our servings and saving half in the freezer for a meal the following week, with a reminder on my phone to prevent freezer burn. I'm learning to use the Instant Pot, and I'm doing a lot more cooking from scratch, now that I have the time.

I had tithing settlement yesterday, and I promised the bishop that if it became necessary, I wouldn't be too proud to ask for help.

I don't think it will come to that. Meanwhile I'm going to make a pan of cornbread. Because cornbread plus a mug of milk or buttermilk is a delicious, joy-enhancing meal.

I know that we're in God's hands, and I know that He hasn't dropped me yet.