About Me

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Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!

Monday, May 21, 2018

First day back at work.

It was a good day, all things considered. No real pain, just endless slogging from one task to the next. I did get a surprising amount done, and any glory attached to that goes to Heaven and the guardian angels who were propping me up. (I asked for strength beyond my own, and I was too tired to feel the presence of Beloved or anyone else assigned to keep me out of the pool halls.)

I wore my new Gudrun shoes today. They're very comfortable, and I think I'll love them once I adjust to the difference in my stride.

Hit Costco on the way home, tanked the Tardis, and purchased five items that couldn't wait until Friday. Now I'm trying to decide (A) what to eat and (B) how soon I can go to bed.

Four more days and then a long weekend. I can do this.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Day four - cue the Ventures!

As in, wipe(d) out!

I made it through all three hours of church today in good shape. That was the goal. While there, I finished the heel and got a few rounds done on the instep. Then I came home, threw a sandwich together, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed north for the senior recital of SemperFi's younger daughter.

It was lovely. We met in the sanctuary of their church, and there was a good turnout to support her. That girl has pipes! She hopes to perform on Broadway, and I would not be at all surprised if she succeeds.

One of the songs that she sang was from the musical "Waitress." It was about life and loss and compromise. I might have cried.

And then I came home and slept for five hours. I'm spotting more heavily this evening. But at least it doesn't hurt to swallow, and I can get into and out of bed with relative ease.

Tomorrow I get to go back to work. I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those weeks where I do a lot of praying for strength. Guardian angels: gird yourselves!

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Day three, post-surgery

In which your intrepid heroine attempts a field trip and partway succeeds. I'd been wanting to dash into a LYS to get some of those interlocking cardboard tubes designed to corral DP needles while in use. I also wanted to get my hair trimmed. I did a search in my checking account, and today is exactly two months since the last trim. This would have been a good day for it. However, as I walked back to the Tardis, my body said, thank you, and we're done for now. So I took a slightly roundabout way home (because: stubborn), ate a light lunch, and napped for about five hours.

While on the topic of hair, LittleBit is working at Ulta again. (Is it supposed to be all-caps, like IKEA?) And she is supposed to use her discount for family members, much like Squishy where he works. So after the surgery on Wednesday, and after we had refueled, we went to her store, and I bought what we thought was a bottle of fancy schmancy shampoo and a related conditioner but was in reality two different formulas of shampoo, one of which is not quite right for my hair.

I tried the first bottle yesterday, and today I have second-day hair that feels as good and as clean as it did yesterday. Pretty sure that I'm going to have to wash it before church tomorrow, but this is seriously cool. I guess I'm no longer buying grocery store shampoo. I'm still going to buy some of the neat shampoo I discovered when visiting my NY tribe in April, but that can be a treat for another time.

In reading news, I finished re-reading the second Magnus Chase book and have begun the third. Rick Riordan's writing (say that three times, fast) is dependably delightful.

In knitting news, I've turned the heel and picked up the gusset stitches on the first baby sock.

In recuperation news, I can get into and out of bed more easily than I have in weeks. My ab muscles have picked up the slack (tee hee), and it no longer hurts to swallow. I'm an hour past the usual time for my evening meds, so I'll say goodnight.

Friday, May 18, 2018

Day two, post-surgery

Noticeably better. I can swallow with only a shadow of discomfort. I can laugh without wincing. I can lever myself into and out of bed with relative ease, and I've only needed one nap today.

Took Middlest for the monthly checkup, then dropped off Rx's to be filled and delivered next week. On the way home we stopped at Kroger and picked up four cases of bottled water plus some toiletries. Neither of us had the spoons to bring the water in. We both agreed that I shouldn't even try, and Middlest is waiting until it's good and dark, because the temperature reached 94F this afternoon, while heat-sickness kicks in at 75F.

I finished rereading The Sword of Summer at ridiculous o'clock this morning and have handed it off to Middlest. I am now more than halfway through the second volume. I've also gotten the first baby sock to the beginning of the heel flap.

My appetite is a bit more erratic but a whole lot less demanding than it was yesterday. And I feel another nap coming on.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Day one, post-surgery

I doubt that I would have made much sense, had I posted when I got home yesterday.

The surgery went well. My doctor removed I-don't-know-how-many polyps and a fibroid, and samples of various bits have been sent to pathology. When I awoke, my throat was scratchy and dry, because they'd put a tube down it. I coughed a lot while in recovery, and ice chips have never tasted so good. The first few spoonfuls I let melt like a good little patient; the rest of them I chomped, because it was far more satisfying to have something I could chew.

I have no bruising where the IV went in, just one small red dot that is already smaller than when I got up this morning. My throat is still a little tender ~ it hurt to laugh at breakfast this morning, more in my throat than in my abs or my tush ~ and my abs think we're dying every time I try to get into or out of bed, which is why I'm taking a break from rereading The Sword of Summer to sit here and blog. My personal plumbing works just fine, which is a relief in more ways than one. I'm supposed to avoid greasy or spicy food for awhile, so no Pie5 with the doll-folk tomorrow night.

I don't have the attention span for knitting right now. I'm alternating reading with napping, scrolling through Pinterest, watching "Random Acts" on BYU TV on my phone, and playing Sudoku either on my phone or here on my computer. (My scores are abysmal, both in terms of numbers and the length of time it takes me to play a game. It would be depressing if I didn't know it's only temporary, because of the anesthetic and the insult to my body.)

They gave me Tramadol in the hospital, and it is wonderful stuff. I still have a nearly full bottle of industrial-strength ibuprofen from when my chair broke and dumped me on the floor. I took one of those last night before bedtime and another after breakfast, but my most recent dosage was a single regular-strength ibuprofen in late afternoon, and I don't think I'll need any more of it. The niggly spot in my back (the one I had PT for last year) is being humble and quiet, so overall I feel amazingly well, other than not wanting to knit. Or roll over too quickly.

I can feel another sleepy spell coming on, so I'm going to grab my evening meds, another half-mug of buttermilk, a handful of chocolate covered ginger, and see how long I'm out this time. Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Drama Mama.

No, not me. She was the ringmaster of two one-act plays put on by a bunch of kids in an extracurricular program that the daughter of one of my friends is in. I feel a little OK a lot guilty in retrospect, because a couple of weeks ago I completely spaced about BittyBubba's play or concert or whatever. I was in the throes of appointment after appointment after appointment, and tasks piling up at work and coming home exhausted.

Tonight I laughed hard, and it was fun. I stopped in at Half Price Books on the way home, hoping to find another copy of a cookbook I like, and while this store didn't have it, a nearby one does, and they will send it over. What I did find was a copy of my first treasured vegetarian cookbook, The Vegetarian Epicure, which is where I got my great spanakopita recipe. My first copy has been missing for at least ten years.

I managed to put several rounds on the sweater sleeve tonight, and the sleeve now comes down to roughly the crease of my elbow. I am not taking the sweater with me to the hospital tomorrow. I'm planning to take the baby sock. I won't weep if I have to frog a few stitches ~ or rounds ~ after coming out from under the anesthetic tomorrow afternoon.

Review of the new, lightweight compression socks that I recently ordered: I like the color options. They will do nicely for three hours of church, but they are completely inadequate for a workday. The elastic at the top is a little too snug and digs into my calf. That can't be good. So I will not reorder, and I will keep looking.

I have a little over half an hour in which to enjoy drinking cool, clear water. I'm going to make the most of it.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Oye with the poodles already!

We were short-handed today, so worklife got a little crazy. If by "a little crazy" you mean having to file an answer that was due at 10:00 for an attorney I back up, who I met up with heading to his desk at 9:51. I got that puppy filed at 10:01, technically late but the best I could with what I was dealt.

Then SemperFi got assigned two new cases with the answer due next Monday, and I won't be here to work on them after tomorrow. I'm hoping to get them wrangled so that somebody can file them in my absence. And my new attorney got a past-due case where the answer was due at 10:00am but the people who were supposed to get us certain information so we could enter the case, didn't provide it until sometime this morning. And it was on the other half of her docket, but my partner in crime was out today, so I got to take care of it. I'm almost done cleaning up discovery for the paralegal and am determined to finish it tomorrow. Then there were reports that got sent to claims over the weekend, that I had to do my bit on. And a report for the attorney I back up, who always leaves things until the last minute, that I had to wrangle.

Miraculously, my shoulders are in fairly decent shape, and my back didn't go into spasm.That one's taken care of. But if I were still a drinking woman, today would have been a day for it. I blasted zydeco in the Tardis all the way home, and I'm about to grab a Ben & Jerry's slice and head to my room with my knitting and a book or three. I am one tired mama. Middlest is sawing logs in the middle bedroom. I hope to be asleep by 10:00. Wish me luck.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

So, I've had a blessing.

I won't share the details, but it was as specific and as detailed as I could have wished, and I am now, finally, entirely at peace about my surgery this coming Wednesday.

In knitting news, I'm continuing to make progress on the sweater sleeve. I've just spent most of the afternoon finishing the third book in the "Trials of Apollo" series. I love Rick Riordan's writing. I'm also reading Stephen Fry's Mythos, which is an entirely different irreverent retelling of the Greek myths. But for now I'm about to get back to work on that sleeve.

Mother's Day at church was actually enjoyable. My friend Beth gave a great talk, as did one of the good brothers. Best part was the Primary children singing a song I'd never heard before, "Courage to Be a Mother." I'm not finding it on Google, so it may have been written by a brother in our ward. There was no traditional candy bar at the end of sacrament meeting, and I was thinking "What gives?" all through Sunday School, but after opening exercises in Relief Society, the Young Men came in bearing trays with bowls of ice cream, slices of bundt cake, and plastic-ware.

I'm hungry again. Later, gators.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Thought you might like to hear something positive.

The stomach pain has abated. I am grateful (and hope to remain so) for however long that lasts.

The sleeve is not arguing with me. The new 16" circ that I bought on Wednesday is exactly the right length to accommodate those stitches for now, and I have a 12" needle should I need it as decreases continue. Also, I checked and rechecked my work, and I did not work the cable cross on the wrong round. I am zipping along, listening either to scriptures or Conference addresses on my phone. This one, from President Nelson back when he was one of the newer apostles in 1989, seems equally relevant for today:

LittleBit has confirmed that she has next Wednesday off and will be able to get me to and from my surgery. We've worked out a timeline that builds in plenty of room for error, in case of additional complications to normal rush-hour traffic. My stress level is significantly reduced.

Bills are paid or scheduled. Cosco run happened this morning, and I've enjoyed a lengthy nap. I'm going to grab one of the many books which has arrived in the past week or two and read until I'm ready to sleep.

Night, y'all.

Thursday, May 10, 2018


From yesterday's post on FB:

Another day in which a ridiculous amount of stuff got done in 3.5 hours at work, followed by multiple appointments in the afternoon, followed by a light breakfast-for-dinner at IHOP while waiting for rush hour to end, followed by a leisurely and mostly stress-free drive to the one yarn shop in BigD that's open late on Wednesday to pick up Chiaogoo circs in the size I'm currently using but in different lengths, followed by picking up dinner for Middlest, followed by great conversation, followed by jammies and bringing in the laundry that I hung to dry in the garage [Tuesday] night, followed by a stomach that wants me to get dressed again and go out for steak and a baked sweet potato.

Me: if you'll accept the ginger cookies and buttermilk that I'm sending down now, instead, and you and Bladder let me sleep all night, and you don't grumble about a healthy breakfast and sensible snacks at work tomorrow, we can go to Saltgrass on the way home tomorrow night and have steak and sweet for dinner tomorrow and leftovers for Friday night.

Stomach: I can't promise that Bladder is going to cooperate, but I trust you, and I'll do my best.


Here's how that played out:

Stomach: Feeling a little sore. Have we eaten? Please send down food.

Me: OK [eats a little something]

Stomach: Hey, I'm still achy. Please send down more food.

Me: Are you sure? We just ate.

Stomach: Really? I can't tell. Please send down more food.

Me: OK [eats something else]

Stomach: Why are you ignoring me? I hurt. I need some love. Or at least some food.

Me: I. Just. Fed. You.

Stomach: No, you didn't.

Me: Let's take a stroll to the loo, and then a brisk walk around the gallery. Maybe that will help.

Stomach: That didn't help. Feed me, Seymour!

Me: It's half an hour until lunch. I'll feed you then. Although I'm not sure where you'll put it.

Stomach: No! [stamps foot] I want it now!!!!!

Me: Calm down, Veruca. I don't know why I put up with you. [goes downstairs to the deli and orders a chicken salad sandwich, which is light enough to not sit like an anvil in my midsection and maybe, just maybe, sufficient to satisfy Stomach]

Stomach: That was good. Thank you.

Me: You're welcome. Can I get back to work now?

Stomach: Why didn't you get me any cookies? We love her chocolate chip cookies!

Me: Yes, we do, but you don't need cookies.

Stomach: But I want cookies! [stamps foot again]

Me: No cookies. Put on your big girl panties. I have work to do.

Stomach: Ugh. I'm so full. Why did you eat so much? It's not Thanksgiving or anything.

Me: [typety typety type]

Bladder: [quietly] I need to go potty.

Stomach: You're such a drama queen!

Me: [sighs]

Obviously, there was no field trip to Saltgrass after work tonight.

Pretty sure that this is just pre-op anxiety. Maybe Stomach is worried that my doctor can't tell the difference between a stomach and a uterus, and that both are going to get cleaned out next week. I just know that I've had three days now of intermittent bellyache (no nausea, just low-level pain}, and it's wearing me out.

Life is, nevertheless, good. I came home tonight, put on my jammies, set the alarm for when it's time to take my meds, and now I'm going back to bed.

Tuesday, May 08, 2018

My stomach, however, might have other ideas.

It hurts. Not cramps, but a sharp, persistent OW! which began after lunch and has been lurking in the background off and on all afternoon. I woke up this morning with a deficit of spoons and was still, by the grace of Heaven, remarkably productive. I even managed to scan three receipts for the next flex-account reimbursement.

Messaged Fourthborn and my knitting group that I was knackered and heading straight home. I've drunk a mug of buttermilk, eaten half a chocolate muffin and five or six pieces of chocolate covered ginger, and the ache is back.

When the going gets tough, the tough start a load of laundry. All of my compression stockings and all of my dark Gudrun pieces are dancing an aquatic tarantella. It's probably about time for me to grab a bunch of hangers and shuffle out to the garage.

Well, that was weird. Apparently the cure for a wibbly tummy is to stand in an uncomfortably warm garage, hanging up one item at a time, until the washer is empty. When I go back out there tomorrow morning, I'm reasonably sure that what I want to wear to work will be dry and happy (and if it is not, I have something else to wear). Right now I'm back at the computer, a second mug of buttermilk to my left and the other half of the chocolate muffin to my right.

I still have zero desire to knit, which leads Middlest to believe that I'm coming down with something, or that the malaise that knocked me out last Thursday is coming back for another go. I just need to get through half a day of work, go do my pre-op visits, and come home again. With any luck, the Social Security Administration wasn't kidding when they said that my benefits start tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I'm going to read a little, take my meds a bit early, and try to be asleep around 10:00.

Monday, May 07, 2018

The Cardi is still behaving.

I played a wild game of yarn chicken with the second ball of yarn. Finished a row on the body with about two yards to spare, then put those stitches on hold and prepared to start the first sleeve.

It's slow going at the moment, because I'm switching out circs about every other round, trying to find the best one for the job. What I need is a 16" circ. The 9" circs that I bought are too short at this point; the Addi Natura cable is too stiff; the 40" Chiaogoo is too short for Magic Loop with this many stitches; so I'm using a 60" HiyaHiya and hoping to pick up a 16" needle when I'm off for my pre-op visits on Wednesday.

Work went remarkably well today. I am feeling marginally caught up and only mildly frustrated with a couple of things over which I have no control and minimal influence.

I even managed to do two loads of laundry tonight, one of which is in the dryer, and the other is hanging to dry out in the garage because it was 92F when I got home tonight.

This is the part where I bring my spreadsheet up to date, take my evening meds, and call it a day.

Saturday, May 05, 2018

The Cardi is behaving.

Most likely because I am counting stitches every couple of rows. I just completed the sixth cable row, updated my spreadsheet, then realized that I hadn't entered the numbers on my balance sheet (different spreadsheet; if you've been a reader for any length of time, you'll know that I'm mad for spreadsheets) for the end of April. So those are done.

Firstborn and I picked up quilt blocks this morning. Middlest was out with the king of all migraines, and Fourthborn suspected that she was coming down with something, so it was just the two of us. After that, Firstborn and I walked over to the little cafe on the corner and had breakfast and talked about everything and nothing for about an hour. She's busy with work and church and Junior League. I'm busy with work and church and knitting and Middlest.

Most first Saturdays, she brings Fourthborn and I bring Middlest, we pick up our blocks, everybody hugs, we might talk for ten minutes, and then she and Fourthborn go back to Arlington while Middlest and I run any errands between the quilt shop and home, unload the Tardis, and crash. Today we really connected, and it was wonderful.

I've had a shortish nap, added five or six rows to the Cardi throughout the day, listened to a couple of chapters of the Book of Mormon on my phone, and read several chapters in Mythos. I also dashed out just before dusk to Braum's for more milk, buttermilk, and orange juice.

Not sure what I want to do next, other than not-knitting. (No, I'm not running a fever. I just want to do something different until I feel sleepy.) Which, apparently, is now. It seems that my eyelids are as suggestible as my kidneys.

Thursday, May 03, 2018

Where did those two weeks go?

Oh yeah. I was carefully tinking back eight to ten rows on my Cardi Cozy. I'm pleased to report that all mistakes have been fixed ~ including the two messed up cable crossings I discovered on Tuesday, which got taken care of at Knit Night ~ and I have finally reached the point where the sleeve sections are on holding threads, the underarm stitches have been added with a provisional cast-on, and I'm two rows into the body of the sweater.

Work has been OK-to-good. I was more or less caught up when I left the office last night after a day in which I constantly fought the urge to sleep. I awoke reluctantly this morning, got ready for work, got about halfway there and thought better of it. So I called in (but to the wrong number), came home, and went back to bed.

I'm bleeding again. Correction: I was bleeding again on Tuesday and yesterday, but it seems to have stopped. I don't know if this the cause of my lethargy or if it's something else. I'm devoutly hoping that the hysteroscopic surgery in two weeks will be a permanent fix, and that I will feel an immediate improvement in my overall health and energy.

I've missed you guys. I've had things that I wanted to say. Creative blog titles. Books I've wanted to read. Interminable meetings at work. A little more anxiety than usual. A body that wants to sleep and a brain that wants to play. Too many nights staying up until almost midnight when I need to get up at 6:00am.

Throughout it all I've felt my Savior's love as well as the normal range of human emotions. I want to get my life back on track (whatever that is) so that there's time for all of the important stuff. But for now I'm heading into the kitchen with the plates from our pizzas, running the dishwasher, and settling in on my bed with General Conference on my phone, and a sweater which is (maybe) the only part of my life that is back on track.

Later, gators. I'm really tired. (But not depressed. I remember depressed.) Prayers and positive thoughts most gratefully accepted.