About Me

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Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!

Sunday, October 06, 2013

Nothing to see here. Just keep moving.

Picked up the fabric for quilt block #1. Also $30+ worth of fabric for Halloween outfits for the dolls. And three sets of closet rod sockets for my brainstorm of how to reconfigure the bedroom closet: $9, thus saving me $2287 at the Container Store and significantly less at IKEA. 1BDH cut down my closet rod into three smaller chunks post-afternoon session of General Conference.

Next step is to preshrink my fabric. I will save the installation of the sockets for FHE tomorrow night. Because emptying the closet and removing the rickety wire shelf both qualify as labor, and I would far rather knit or make more birthday cards.

I finished the first doll sleeve to the armscye yesterday and cast on for the second. And there they sit, because I had neglected to bring my other needles along, and both needles were filled with live stitches.

General Conference was sublime, and tear-provoking. I nodded and wept through Elder Bednar's address. I sobbed through Elder Holland's. (Poor 1BDH. He had a crying woman on either side.)

I struggled with PTSD for eight of the twenty years I was married to the children's father. Our kids grew up with a severely depressed mother, and each of them has fought depression at one time or another. For at least two of them it is a nearly constant companion. How much of it is biochemical, or situational, or learned, or inherited, I cannot guess at present.

Time, the removal of my chief source of stress, effective counseling, study and prayer, priesthood blessings, and the Atonement have healed my brokenness. And I am a better person for having struggled through that mess.

My two who are active in the Church seem to be doing well. My three who are not, are carving their own pathways through. I grieve for them far more than I grieve the loss of Beloved. I love them dearly. I enjoy their company. I pray for them. And I respect their agency, just as my parents did when I joined the Church.

I am looking forward to today's Conference sessions. I hope they will be less soggy.

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