About Me

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Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!

Sunday, January 20, 2013


One of our friends handed me a program, after the service, with a number on the back. That’s how many of our friends and family were there yesterday.

As late as ten minutes before the service, there were only a few people scattered around the chapel. Mormon Standard Time being what it is, fifteen minutes later the chapel was filled (we started five minutes after the hour), and somewhere in the middle I heard the dividers to the overflow area being pulled opened.

My five sang “How Great Thou Art,” the last verse a capella. It was magnificent. Younger Twin and a friend sang “Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel,” which so exemplified the life Beloved led, accompanied by another friend on the viola. I got through my remarks without squeaking or sobbing. The other petri’s sat on my left and on my right, at my request.

Grandson arrived Friday afternoon. I met him yesterday. He is perfect.

The siblings have been wonderful. We went out to dinner Friday night and to breakfast yesterday. They have carted off the genealogy to be copied and distributed. Three of them fly back to California this morning and are probably nearing home as I type. Trucker will be heading out again tomorrow. We are in agreement as to what needs to be done with the truck that Beloved and I were buying from his mother’s estate.

I went to the Social Security office bright and early Friday morning. I left in tears. As one would expect, Beloved’s disability check will no longer arrive each month. And because I am a young(ish) widow with a good job, it would not be helpful to apply for my widow’s benefit at this time. I have marked my calendar for five years from now, when I can draw that benefit without the earnings offset. I would continue to accrue credits toward my own retirement benefit even after I start receiving my widow’s benefit.

That disability check is what paid the mortgage, the truck payment, the larger of our two credit cards, and the utilities. My paycheck will soon be adjusted to reflect my new reality, which will give me a few hundred dollars a month more, net. And I will pay off as much debt as possible when I receive the proceeds of the life insurance policy. I have a lot of financial decisions to make in fairly short order, but I am not helpless, nor am I alone.

I have a dental appointment on Wednesday afternoon, and another appointment with our personal attorney following that. I have a honey-do list like you would not believe, and I hope that I will be able to dial back my medical expense reimbursement deduction to reflect what is typically my individual annual out-of-pocket expense, rather than what we set it for, to allow for Beloved’s medical expenses.

Please continue to pray for our family, as you are moved by the Spirit. Thus far his children have been nothing but respectful and kind. There is an opportunity for the financial details to sort themselves out seamlessly. There is also the possibility that we will all forget our manners, in our grief. (I’m trying to be like Jesus, as the song goes, but sometimes I am merely trying.)

This is the part where I get ready for church, which begins in something like an hour and a half. One of the things we will be doing after church, is resetting all clocks to the same time, thank you very much. And I need to figure out my church knitting, because obviously there is no point in finishing the second half of the fake vest to Beloved’s sweater. Middlest has suggested putting the sweater into a shadowbox, with a nice picture of Beloved. I rather like that idea.

1 comment:

Tola said...

(((hugs))) we love you.