About Me

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Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Checkbook is balanced.

Ms. Ravelled is somewhat balanced. Sorta like the karma chameleon, it comes and goes, it comes and goes... I have also done my taxes (but not yet filed) and will owe the grand total of $28, unless there is some sort of glitch that pops up when I go back and review. My bills are paid, except maybe the phone bill; need to check on that. And the tags on Lorelai, which have to be taken care of by the end of the month, but I want to combine that with switching over to my married name and putting Beloved on the title, as he will be doing with his car.

I am reading an amazing book, And They Were Not Ashamed, by Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE (Beloved says clinical fun lover extraordinaire?), an LDS counselor. It pertains to healthy marital intimacy. We always think we are normal, right? but sometimes it is good to get a second opinion.

Turns out that all the counseling I have gotten for one reason or another, over the years, particularly the spiritual boot camp I did about five years ago, has healed or cured most of my hang-ups. This is a book from a Christian perspective, with more detail than one finds in most Christian books on marital intimacy, and it is specifically written to help good women get over the Good Girl Syndrome.

We spend a lot of time and energy teaching our children to just-say-no when it comes to premarital sex. We spend very little time teaching them that once we are married, God wants us to relax and savor our spouse. Lots and lots of uptight people out there, men as well as women, but mostly women. I tried to teach my kids that married sex was wonderful and worth waiting for, but mostly they did not want to have any sort of discussion about the topic, and I certainly had my own issues to deal with, which I have mostly-done. This is a good book (combined with appropriate counseling) for women who have been sexually abused, to help them wrap their heads around healthy, appropriate behaviors.

Even if you have a good marriage and a healthy sex life, you might learn something. I have learned a lot, and I am only on the first, skimming, read-through. I will go back later (soon-later, rather than eventually-later) and do the exercises. I read bits of it to Beloved. There is one fantastic cartoon, fairly early on, that almost made me weep with laughter.

Time to log off and tell Beloved about my day and listen to him tell me about his. One of the many, many things I like about being married to this man.

1 comment:

Jenni said...

One of my favorite things about being married is checking in with one another at the end of the day and sharing. Sometimes good things, sometimes bad, but it is so nice to know that I have someone that will always listen to me.