It’s time to select my Christmas gift from corporate. Usually I have to choose between two or three items that appeal to me; this year it’s harder. I get stuff that I know I need and am not willing to spend money on. [Typically, items for family preparedness.] I have a 3/8” cordless drill, a sun shelter, a two-person tent, among other things. Also two very nice Calphalon pans, which get regular use.
So this year, do I get:
1. A new level? In case I want to hang pictures at 2:00 am and do not already have Brother Sushi’s laser level resting atop my toolbox. I have Dad’s level, but it’s vintage and about a foot long; this puppy is a yard long and also suitable for smacking home invaders upside the head should they sneak in at night to make off with my yarn stash. Or my virtue.
2. A palm sander? To take the calluses off my heels.
3. A sleeping bag? Because we know how crazy I am about camping, but it would go with the tent.
4. A square griddle? Only the other day, I was thinking how nice it would be to have one. No, I am not kidding; Brother Sushi has infected me with Kitchen Toy Virus, which as we all know is incurable.
5. Steak knives? I have one remaining of the six or eight we were given when I married the children’s father. And strictly speaking, that is sufficient for my needs. I generally eat steak two or three times a year, usually when eating out with Brother Sushi and it’s *his* turn to buy.
6. A lantern with FM radio? To listen to while camping out in the back yard in my tent?
7. A Santoku knife set? For my important chopping needs. [Girls, does this remind you of season one of Gilmore Girls? “I have important thickening needs.” Good times!]
8. A heated blanket to go into the trunk of my car? Because there is no “Armstrong heater” in my life.
9. A flash drive? Definitely on my list.
10. A digital audio player? Ditto.
11. A self-powered emergency radio? Another good item to go into my 72-hour kit. With my fishing pole.
I suppose that before I decide, it wouldn’t hurt to traipse over to the 10th Anniversary Catalog. [I qualify for that next spring.] Do a little comparison shopping, and probably make myself even crazier in the process:
1. Three-piece luggage set
2. Portable DVD player
3. Home theatre kit
4. Micro stereo system
5. Circular saw [!!!]
6. Bose around-ear headphones, because the only thing I want *in* my ears are “sweet nothings”.
7. Really amazing knife set. If I wanted to go into vaudeville, I would be set for life! May I have a volunteer from the audience?
Oh man! This isn’t helping.
Random synaptic firing: I have come up with the perfect retirement job. I could open an ice cream store and call it Custard’s Last Stand. I wonder how many other people have come up with the same idea? Wow. That many. 16,800 hits on Google, and a website. And a culinary mystery series [with recipes] set in Pennsylvania. And a movie made in 1914.
Lest you think that I have been hitting the juice, time for something serious.
- Four years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!