Phone is pouting in the charger.

Bra is pouting on my bed. I was sitting in a meeting this morning and realized that there was a sore spot on my side under my left arm. There were no guys in the meeting, so I discreetly reached up while everyone was focused on data projected onto a screen and discovered that the side stay had chewed its way out of the channel and was looking for lunch.

I can do a little minor surgery on that hole in the binding until new bras arrive. I hate shopping for bras. Manufacturers think that if you have a wide band, you have breasts that require their own ZIP code. And as Gershwin wrote, it ain't necessarily so.

What I want is a front-fastening bra with back support, straps that don't slide off my shoulders or creep into my neckline in front, adequate lift, and separation without underwires. I think I'm just about over underwires. I've worn them for 45 years, first to scrape everything out from behind my shoulder blades and move it up front, then to wrangle the aftereffects of having nursed five children, with the additional complication of weight loss, weight gain, weight loss, weight gain, weight loss ... you get the drift. (And I've never been a yo-yo dieter.)

My skin is old-lady soft and a little fragile. I will not look 25 again until I get my resurrected body. I have more little rolls than a French bakery, and I'm tired of extenders in the back that accentuate the tendency of shoulder straps to head for my elbows, and I'm tired of pooching out beneath my bra band and spilling over the sides at the top. Underwires either break or escape over time, and soft-cup bras create a shelf or allow the girls to slump like a fallen souffle. Neither of which is the look I'm aiming for.

There has got to be a better system than the brassiere. One that allows aging bodies a modicum of grace and respect for their battle scars.

Mumble mumble rassen frassen. I'm gonna go knit. And once my phone has stopped pouting, I'll see how much meditation I can manage tonight.

Postscript: I had dinner tonight with one of the sisters I send visiting teaching letters to every month. We ate Mediterranean food, which you would think would have mellowed me somewhat. Hummus is definitely my happy place. She said that I looked great, very relaxed. I told her "anti-anxiety meds and a muscle relaxer". She didn't know quite what to say.

Day Two

I felt slightly less silly this evening, and I made it through ten minutes and 32 seconds of breathing, followed by a session in which I was supposed to experience what was going on in my body from crown of head to tip of toe. (Gas, twitching, and the random mild ache. I didn't need meditation to tell me that.)

In knitting news, I'm approaching the heel flap on the second baby sock, and I've done nothing on Avery's sweater since Sunday night.

Nor have I quilted, but I've been faithful at doing the basics of my PT homework at least once a day. So that's something.

I also nearly dropped a half-full jar of mango marmalade while making my PBJ for dinner tonight, and in the effort to keep hold of the jar, I torqued my neck and back. Not badly (I hope) but dishearteningly.

If I'm already anticipating my resurrected body at my current age, I can only imagine how sweet the anticipation will be in another 30 years.

Work went well. I'm going to take my meds, maybe use the thumper on my back and neck, and call it a day.

In which your intrepid heroine attempts meditation.

Stop snickering.

One of the hazards of reading a book on your phone is that the phone narcs on you. The author recently mentioned various apps that help some folks to decrease their stress and manage their anxiety. So my Facebook feed offered one of those apps to me today, and I downloaded it.

After I got home from Trader Joe's and Costco, and Fourthborn and I had stowed the groceries, and I'd eaten some leftovers and put a small load into the washing machine, I decided to fire up the app. The first option it gave me was "breathing." OK. Breathing is good. I'm a big fan of breathing.

The app presented me with a circle like a clock face without hands; it instructed me to inhale deeply as a dot went from high noon to approximately 5:00, hold my breath until approximately 7:00, and exhale deeply while the dot climbed up towards 12:00. After about two and a half minutes of this I got bored, put the app on pause, and saw that it wanted me to breathe for another seven and a half minutes.

Not without some knitting in my hands, bossy little app. Which I'm sure would have defeated the purpose.

So I poked around a little and found the meditation section. There's a one-week beginner's program, and I managed to stay engaged for the entire twelve minutes of Day One. It feels a little weird ~ OK, a lot weird ~ to pay that much attention to my breath. Tracing it in through my nostrils, down the back of my throat, into my windpipe, feeling it quickly warm until I can't feel anything except an urgency to get rid of it now and inhale a fresh batch of cool air. I did that for twelve whole minutes. Just me and my lungs and Soothing Female Voice.

We have a date for tomorrow night. I can't say that I'm any more relaxed than I was when I sat down, but the incessant chatter in my head made itself scarce for the duration. We count all the small victories.

♪On my phone, I'm in the lane beside me♪

(Blog post title courtesy of Fourthborn.) A car in front of us drifted to one side, and the car in the next lane over took exception to that. There is hardly anything that we can't find a musical phrase for, or something that will lend itself nicely to parody.

Fourthborn, yes, ALT-13 works here as well as in other applications (to create that single musical note). Does anyone else know how to arrive at the double note?

I learn stuff from my kids every day.

I spent a good chunk of yesterday sleeping. The upside was that I had abundant energy and a pain-free body for church today and was able to enjoy all three hours of the block meeting. The downside is that very, very little got done: one load of laundry, the dishwasher loaded and run, drive-by fooding of our missionary sisters, and a quick trip to Half Price Books to pick up a reserved copy of The Hidden Life of Trees, which I took off my wishlist at Amazon earlier today. The most creative thing I did was to press all the fabric I've been unearthing for the past few days with an eye toward making a skirt (or tabard, or something) for Justice, the doll I've re-homed from Fourthborn.

I am continuing to read, enjoy, and learn from On Edge, Andrea Patterson's account of her struggle with anxiety. She writes beautifully, and I hope to learn a few tricks that could eventually enable me to manage my own without the Lexapro. I've already learned that I'm not ready to step down my muscle relaxer. Both may have to wait until I've retired. Or I may be on some variation of both until I kick. But at least I'm getting a feel for what's going on in my body/mind/spirit. And why.

I also realized something this morning. For most of my life, I have read fiction. I still love it. There is nothing like escaping into another world for a few hours, seeing how others resolve their problems and grow in character, and coming back into the real world better for the adventure. I certainly enjoyed reading three series of young adult novels written by Rick Riordan last year! But now? Now I seem to be drawn more to non-fiction, which would have been incomprehensible to my younger self.

There's a biography of Gordon B. Hinckley, which admittedly I haven't touched in months, but it's there if and when I want to, a doctrinal book by Elder Bednar, both of which have been joined by the tree book, and I picked up another coloring book last night.

Dinner's over. (Yes, I do my best eating while at the keyboard. Don't you?) Middlest has a migraine, Fourthborn is watching something and playing something, and I think I'll go knit for awhile.

Saw Wonder Woman with my kids.

When we got to the theatre a little before 8:00 to buy tickets for the 9:05 show, everything was sold out except for the two rows right in front of the screen. I did not want to spend two hours and twenty-one minutes staring up Wonder Woman's nostrils. So we got tickets for the 9:50 showing and walked to the other side of Half Price Books, where there was a taco shop that sounded intriguing.

Taco Joint. We were able to get some tortilla soup for Fourthborn (minus the avocado) and to determine that there was no cilantro in the soup, so Middlest had a bowl as well (with the avocado). I had the best queso and chips I've eaten in the last five years, and possibly in my life. One of those times when I wished that I had a hollow tongue like a butterfly, because there were a few stubborn drops of queso that refused to be scooped up.

It is now nearly 1:30, and I haven't had my 10:00 meds, and I'm not sleepy (although I am tired).

Also, I bought another doll. A boy. Steadfast will be so happy. Right now he's outnumbered fifteen to one.

Over and sorta out.

Fun at Knit Night 2.0

I put a couple of rounds done on the baby sock. And I've nearly caught up the third sleeve on Avery's sweater to where the second (improved) sleeve ended.

I came home to find a happy financial surprise (instead of the other kind). A windfall, of sorts. I've already planned boring responsible things to do with most of it, but there will be a bit of a splash as well.

Beginning, if the three of us have sufficient oomph when I get off work tomorrow, with going to see "Wonder Woman."

I've officially graduated from physical therapy and have the T-shirt to prove it. I got it a size larger so I may use it as a sleep shirt.

Now if you will all kindly excuse me, I want to pull the green fabrics out of the bargain kits that I bought last Saturday, in preparation of preshrinking them once Middlest is out of the shower.

The June quilt blocks are done.

And pressed, and folded, and inserted into their Ziploc bags until the first Saturday in July.

I then went into my stash and pulled out all of my green Thimbleberries scraps and remnants. They are piled on the flat extension of my sewing machine, looking forlorn and a little confused as to why they are seeing the light of day after a dozen or so years in purdah. In another shoebox were three bags containing 100 four-inch squares each, dating back to 2000. I pulled all of the plausible greens out of them, and they are soaking in the bathroom sink. I'll go in after I post this, wring them out one by one, and hang them to dry overnight. Tomorrow night or Friday night I'll pull all of the greens out of the eight discounted kits that I bought last Saturday and preshrink them. And then I think I can start piecing a skirt together.

I was stuck in traffic for quite awhile after work tonight, so there are several more rounds on the second green baby sock. I'm going to add another pattern band to Avery's sleeve before calling it a night.

I added another Pandora station tonight, starting with Piano Guys, adding Helen Jane Long, Dallas String Quartet, 2 Cellos, and thumbing-up anyone else who sounded as if they belonged to this bunch.

Dinner was small and simple: a bowl of Fage, mango salsa, and rinsed black beans, scooped up with relatively low-sodium tortilla chips. This makes up for the gourmet grilled cheese sandwich I enjoyed for lunch: two kinds of cheese on sourdough bread, grilled onions, avocado, bacon, tomato, and apricot mayonnaise. I asked her how she made that, so I could try it at home. I'm thinking it would be heavenly (and far less caloric) if mixed with Fage.

Later, gators. I want to knit, and I want to read, and I should have taken my meds 12 minutes ago and and and.

As I suspected, a very long day.

Did a slightly shortened version of my PT routine today, then took Middlest for the monthly checkup. From there to the pharmacy in Wylie for a refill of the Ritalin, after which I dropped Middlest off at Squishy's. Squishy had already picked up Fourthborn.

I came home, quickly updated my spreadsheets, hung a small picture of Beloved and Squishy in the doll area in my room, took my shower, and went to work. Was feeling a little anxious, so my first stop once I'd parked the Tardis was the deli, for three chocolate chip cookies and a pint of milk.

Got lots done in a little over half a day of work and dithered over whether to go to Knit Night or just come home and make a blanket fort. When it was time to decide, I turned right and headed for Grand Prairie. Ate most of my dinner (soup and salad) with my phone turned off and while reading the current issue of The Ensign. My friends started arriving, so I put the magazine away and enjoyed some great conversations.

It's nearly 11:30. My stomach has settled. I'm going to bed, knackered but content.

Not much to see here.

Work went well. SemperFi took me to lunch today to celebrate 18 years with the company. My friend C came along because we like her, and because we are both careful to avoid the appearance of evil. I told him I wanted a big salad at the Rodeo Bar and Grill, a restaurant owned by Walt Garrison, a famous rodeo cowboy and former Dallas Cowboy, set in a corner of the Adolphus Hotel in downtown Dallas. It's a few blocks from my office, just at the edge of my comfort zone for walking. I had a Southwest salad, substituting ranch for a cumin dressing because cumin, ugh! and managed to eat about three-fourths of it in the restaurant and the rest of it at my desk while getting the mail out for SemperFi and TheKid.

After work I drove through drizzle and surprisingly thoughtful traffic to Costco and then to Braum's and the pharmacy. I have a refill of my Robaxin, and in 16 minutes I will take it. With any luck I'll be asleep well before 11:00. Tomorrow's going to be a long day: PT for me, monthly checkup for Middlest, trek to the pharmacy in Wylie for a refill of Middlest's Ritalin, drop Middlest at home or at Squishy's, and go to work to play grownup all day.

Plus, tomorrow is Tuesday, and Tuesday is Knit Night, and I haven't been for a couple of weeks, and I miss my friends.

The kids were wonderful and schlepped all of the recycling out to the bin while I was at work today.

A bit of sewing today.

I got all of the block components put together some before church and the rest of them before and after my nap.

All that remains is to sew the components together and pop both blocks back into the bags the kits came in. The finished blocks will be a bit more colorful than this; the light in my studio leaves something to be desired. (As does the organization of my tabletop.)

Then, since there will be no last-minute rush to assemble the June blocks in time to pick up the July blocks, I will be free to work on other projects. I'm designing a doll skirt in my head. There may be some Seminole piecing. We shall see. I am contemplating the purchase of a basic serger sometime after I finish the quilt and Avery's sweater. I would have time to take a bonehead beginner's class. I inherited Mom's serger when she passed, but I gave it to Fourthborn, and I wouldn't dream of taking it back.

It's been an uneventful Sunday. I went home after sacrament meeting, because my back was twitching slightly, and my arms kept tingling and trying to go to sleep while I sat on the stand between gettng up to conduct the hymns. I figured it was my body's way of telling me that I should come home and go back to bed, so I did.

I have zero desire to work on the quilt blocks any more tonight, so I think I will go work on Avery's sweater for a bit, read a little more, and call it a day. I'm hoping that my Robaxin gets filled while I'm at work tomorrow and that I can resume taking it tomorrow night. I've done hardly anything today, and there's a little buzz under my left shoulder blade, and I want it to go away.

Blocks. And not necessarily more blocks.

Fabric preshrunk and drying for the next blocks.

As I write, all of the pieces are cut out, and I've begun to sew the flying geese components. My shoulder blades started to tingle, so I pressed what I'd done, marked diagonal lines on the next series of squares, and turned off everything in my studio.

I figured it was my body telling me (A) the table has become too high to work comfortably ~ although I didn't have this problem when I was sewing into the wee hours this morning ~ or (B) I needed to stop crafting and get myself something to eat.

So what have I done instead? Posted pictures on the doll blog of the quilt block kits from last year's two series quilts that I picked up for $1.50 each because they'd been unclaimed and the shop wanted to make room for more stuff. Why the doll blog? Because they are going to become doll clothing and maybe some doll-scale accessories (or even a quilt).

But now my stomach is rumbling. I'd probably better get serious about sending down some fuel.

I set myself a goal.

A modest one, but a goal nonetheless. The quilt on which I am working my fingers to the bone is composed of thirty-six blocks in jewel tones with a one-inch wide border and sashing of pale but saturated yellow, and then a wider border in bright teal green to finish it off. The two long borders and the shorter one at the top are all quilted. The bottom border is twice the depth of the others.

I quilted the inner edge of the yellow border as each block was completed. I quilted the outer edge of three sides of that border as I quilted the teal. Yesterday and this morning I turned the remaining two corners of the yellow border, and tonight I finished off that line of stitching.

My left forefinger and middle finger are sore and crabby. There is a small divot in each that would bleed if I were not giving both of them the Mom Look. The quilt is put away for the night, and tomorrow morning I will aim to quilt one small motif before leaving for PT. I don't plan on touching the quilt again until Friday morning. I'm hoping that two days of quilting-lite will be enough to heal my fingers so I can make significant progress on Saturday.

Tomorrow is primarily for knitting. I am hoping to have enough "spoons" to go to the Dallas knit night after work and to stay there until the owners kick us out.

Work went well today. I had rather more emails waiting for me than I would have liked, but in the course of the day I got them all wrangled as well as my ToDo's. Tomorrow I will catch up the mail. The best and funniest thing that happened was that SemperFi got a call from our client, who was due to be deposed in our office. Her babysitter had bailed, so she would be bringing her infant to the deposition. SemperFi was as close to in a panic as I can imagine him being. His paralegal and I were snickering. I told him I was available for grandma duty if need be.

That was until I met the mom and the baby, both of whom were lovely. And ill. I smiled, flirted with the baby, and beat a strategic retreat, telling her that I have a kid at home who is immuno-compromised.

I asked him later how the depo had gone (i.e., if the baby had behaved). He said it went well, except when he told the mom to raise her right hand and swear to tell the truth, the baby raised both hands and smiled. I told him we were all looking forward to when he has a cute little granddaughter and turns into a pile of mush.

Another marginally productive day.

It's 7:39 as I sit down to write, and I have about two and a half hours in which I may eat. I just finished uploading a month and a half's worth of medical bills for reimbursement. I had to photograph some of the receipts two or more times. This was after I couldn't log on, on my phone, so I came over here to log on to the mother ship and discovered that the system has upgraded since I last submitted receipts, and they have a fancy-schmancy authentication system. Which is why the app on my phone was telling me my password was wrong, when I knew darn good and well that it wasn't. Upgraded my password, created a PIN number, and was able to log onto the app. An hour to an hour and a half later, I think I finally made them happy. When the reimbursement is deposited, that will make my credit card balance happy. Meanwhile, I am tired and still a little frustrated and somewhat hungry and wondering what I can eat that will be healthy and stick with me until after I've peed in a cup and given blood tomorrow. I will be heading for IHOP about fifteen seconds after they slap that bandage on my elbow. I've actually gotten some quilting done and will do more before I go to bed. I have no solid idea of how I want to quilt the extra-wide border at the bottom of the quilt. There are a couple of images rattling around in my head, but mostly what I'm processing is, food! now! without any hints as to what my body wants, other than a pint of ice cream, which it's not getting. Because that would require my getting out of the pajamas I've been wearing all day.

I've also posted this to the doll blog, but since this is knitting...

It feels really good to have this part done. I'll be back at work on the sleeves in the near future.

My talk in church was lots of fun. I used two pages from the Bible Dictionary, three General Conference addresses, and my own experiences. I knew when I left for church that I only had enough oomph for sacrament meeting, so I hugged various people after the meeting, came home, ate a simple lunch, got in my jammies, and took a nap.

Feeling gently tired. Middlest and Fourthborn are watching Mama Mia. I love it but am not in the mood. So I'll have a small snack, take my meds, and call it a day.

Looking forward to a quietly productive day tomorrow.

Strange little day.

Today has been a weird one. Woke up a bit before the alarm would normally go off, grabbed my morning meds, did my PT homework, fixed a healthy breakfast, ate it, knitted one row on Avery's sweater while listening to the Book of Mormon on my phone, finished the chapter and paused my phone, and promptly fell asleep sitting bolt upright.

Whined a little about that on Facebook, went back to bed and slept another three hours. Got up, made a PBJ, washed it down with buttermilk, and got dressed sufficiently to make a run to Kroger and Costco. Schlepped the groceries to the front porch. Fourthborn brought them in. Middlest put them away. I headed for the shower, because it was hot and humid and icky out there.

I got another row onto Avery's sweater and measured it. I think six more rows, maybe seven, will get me to the stopping point.

Have I quilted? Nope. Have I finished my talk for church tomorrow? Nope, but I have made notes and read all of the Conference talks I printed out. I have been so oh-look-shiny today. I could tell you how to craft a bow for an MSD, given the proper raw materials. (I've downloaded the pattern.)

My muscle relaxer has kicked in. I think I can post this before falling asleep.

Fun with SemperFi (and others)

We were encouraged to wear red white and blue to work today, in honor of Memorial Day, and allowed to wear sneakers. Which meant that I was deliciously comfortable all day. Thankfully, I did not have to fight sleep all day.

I wore my red "keep calm and pick on" (bluegrass, not bullying) T-shirt. No, you don't get a visual.

This is what SemperFi chose to wear. I was really surprised that he let me take a picture for the blog.

The managing attorney loved it. So did I. It's so him.

I volunteered to help muck out the big and little fridges in our break room. Another legal secretary, our IT guru, and I made short work of that. The big fridge is old, and about once a year ice builds up behind the crisper drawers. This model has the freezer on the bottom. If we don't empty the fridge periodically and unplug it over a long weekend, the crisper drawer creeps closer and closer to the door, and it eventually reaches a point where the door won't stay shut.

The small fridge was originally brought in when we had two nursing mothers in the office, and the then-managing-attorney, a lifelong bachelor, freaked out to find bottles of breast milk chilling with the pickles and stale pizza.

This is the first evening of my four day weekend. I've eaten something to which I'm allergic, and my left ankle is inflamed. So I sent down the cavalry in the form of buttermilk and ginger cookies, and I'm about to head into my room and quilt a little.

Looking for dolls in all the wrong places.

I spent some time at the Mint on Card and Alice's Collection websites tonight. Alice's Collection is perhaps the best-organized and most user friendly doll site I've seen as yet. I saw a pair of Docs in three choices of floral patent leather in SD scale. No, I did not buy them.

I'm amazed at how the design aesthetic can vary so much within a company from size to size. There are a couple of companies whose MSD dolls I find very attractive, yet their SD facial sculpts leave me cold. And I am frustrated to find what I think is a sweet, smiling girl's face and discover that it is a boy doll. Not that I dislike boys. I got over that (albeit gradually) once the ashes of my second marriage cooled. I carefully avoided going to FairyLand's website, lest I fall in love with an SD girl that would cost me an arm and a leg and my non-existent firstborn male child.

In knitting news, I've finished the first green baby sock except for weaving in the ends.

In quilting news, there was a morsel of progress before PT this morning, and I look forward to lots and lots of quilting on Saturday and Monday.

And I finally remembered the snippet of song that I parodied when the package of doll wigs arrived on Monday. But I will share that over on the doll blog, tomorrow.

My kids are so clever.

They cleared off this little corner of the kitchen, then put the cross stitch done by or for Beloved's late, first wife front and more or less center. My life: closed captioned for the housekeeping impaired.

Wondrous things, indeed!

The following was read to me by Fourthborn. Transcribed by me. I am just sufficiently wiped out that I laughed uncontrollably. Source: incurablenecromantic on Tumblr.

"Being a florist is essentially a lot like what I imagine being a mortician is about. You're basically keeping dead things looking good for as long as possible. You keep the product in the fridge so it doesn't rot and look horrible by the time the family gets a whack at it, and in the meantime you put it in a nice container."

Taking my sorry, not sorry self to bed now.

Licensed, medically prescribed torture

Body is quite crabby with me this evening. Had a good PT session this morning before work ~ best part was hearing my name called, and it was a sister in my Relief Society who is also getting PT ~ but did ask my therapist if she has a special machine for sharpening her elbows between therapy sessions.

I was able to mail the two wigs that didn't suit my newest doll back to the shop. There is a 5% restocking fee, and I had to eat the shipping, but they gave me my choice of refund or store credit. Needless to say, I chose store credit.

No Knit Night tonight. I picked up Fourthborn's replacement birth certificate and came straight home. Kids are up. I've transferred my notes for Sunday's talk into Evernote, and I'm going to try to go to bed now, rather than later.

Tomorrow I'll scan and encrypt the birth certificate and email it to JPS and give them a little push to see where we are in the process.

Poster child for crazy-tired, yet again

Good day at work. Lots accomplished. After work, I got my split ends trimmed off (and lost about 5" in length, but it will grow out again). From there to Costco, home by way of Kroger and Braums. The kids brought in the groceries and helped put them away. I ate dinner at 9:30.

There's doll news; hop on over to the other blog if you're interested.

Tomorrow will be a long one: PT then work, then over to Arlington to pick up Fourthborn's replacement birth certificate (and hang out at Knit Night). On Wednesday I'll scan it and encrypt it and forward it to JPS.

All of that lovely sleep which I got this past weekend has vanished like ice sublimating off the windshield when you've set the defroster on high. So glad that I have a four day weekend to look forward to.

Ms. Ravelled, over and out.