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Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Something of a falling-down in the caffeinated soda department

Maybe just a falling-down in general.

I got through two whole weeks without needing or wanting a Cherry Coke. And then I stayed up past midnight on Tuesday night, finding dead relatives [as a friend once said, dead folks are easier to get along with than live ones; I will add, and sometimes more exciting], folding socks from Monday night’s washfest, and waiting for the buzz of finding the girls’ great-grandfather to wear off.

Which is why I found myself rolling into bed at 12:32, with the alarm set for 4:45, knowing that Wednesday would be Cherry Coke Day, in spades. After spilling half of my water bottle on the carpet at my desk [miraculously avoiding my red leather tote, my camera, my cell phone, and my knitting], I picked up a 20-oz bottle during my morning break. And a Hershey Special Dark, just in case.

Wednesday night was not much better. I was tired all day yesterday and polished off the rest of the Cherry Coke and alternated between jitters and grogginess.

I honestly can’t tell you how last night’s presentation went. My best friend told me that she enjoyed it. She is also the sort of woman who cannot tell a lie, so I am somewhat reassured. And another woman I know told me much the same. But I could tell from the faces of others that we were not connecting. I am not ordinarily the sort of woman who beats herself up over things, and so I am going to put this on the shelf for a few days and then talk it over with Heaven when I have caught up on my sleep.

Today is the first payday where the reality of no longer being head of household meets up with long-standing debits for car insurance and renter’s insurance and shakes hands with all the other bills that are waiting for a turn. And I get to go give my perky “Day in the Life” presentation to half of the attorneys and repeat that for the other half, next Friday.

I would rather be home, knitting. I am going nowhere after work tonight, and there may be brownie baking involved. I am hoping to snag some of 2BDH’s time this weekend, to go over my budget and see where we can build in a little more ease.

I also ran into the children’s father’s home teacher before the meeting last night and gave him the Readers Digest version, which I repeated to the Relief Society president during the refreshments portion of the evening. They will put the bishop into the loop. I don’t know if I did the right thing, but something had to be done, and we seem momentarily incapable of getting together for a family council. Girls, please check your email.

On the other hand, I am nearly done with the second sleeve on the Noro Kimono. [And a young woman in one of the classes asked, “Are you Secondborn’s mom? I read your blog!”] Much happy knitting last night, in the classes that I was not teaching. Maybe I would feel that my own presentation went better if I had talked to them over my knitting?

Oh well, it’s over, and I gave it what I hope was my best shot. I’m going to pop some popcorn while the tub fills, and then I’m going to drive like a bat out of Houston for the park and ride and let somebody else be in charge for awhile.

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