A mostly internal one, last night and this morning. Called Middlest about 15 seconds after I walked out the door at work. Were we on? She said that as of Tuesday night, when last she spoke to LittleBit, we were. I told her that I would check with her again when I got to the park and ride, and if they were on their way, I would pick up pizzas, but if it was still iffy, I would not. They were still welcome to come, but I would be giving them popcorn and fruit cups. I did not, and do not, have an overwhelming urge to have the fridge occupied by two large pizza boxes for four days.
The reason it was all so iffy, is because LittleBit quit her job at the restaurant, Phineas [her car] is on its last legs because she could not / would not maintain it, and she did not have quite enough money to pay all of her cell phone bill. She has been sofa surfing for I don’t know how long but has supposedly found a safe place to stay, near Fourthborn and Fiancé, and next month will be moving in with her best friend’s mom [our former landlord and the provider of the mice and doves for their spectacular senior prank] while her best friend hikes the Appalachian Trail for six months or so.
Then she and her best friend will be enrolling at UTA because of some allegedly new law that offers or mandates free tuition for incoming freshmen. I don’t know if this is what my folks would have called a cock and bull story.
The reason I know the little that I do, is because they found somebody to bring them over to my place last night, and somebody else to pick them up and take them back to Arlington. It was not the best visit we have had. I was sharp around the edges because my child is dependent upon the kindness of strangers and her most promising job interview is at what she termed a lingerie shop but what I would call a toy shop [but not in the FAO Schwartz sense]. Middlest was a little cranky because she had wanted to be at my place an hour and a half before they got there. LittleBit was understandably defensive *and* she was unable to remember how to hook up the electronics so I can watch the occasional DVD.
The good news is, I only have half of one pizza taking up space in the fridge. I ate my share before they got there, and they both pitched in when they got here. At least they didn’t go home hungry.
But I was on the cusp of weeping when they left, so I got into Lorelai and drove to the grocery store, where I picked up milk, a carton of juice, and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. The drive and the exercise helped a lot. The Ben and Jerry’s flavor [Imagine Whirled Peace] was devoured homeopathically. If I were still a drinking woman, last night would have been the night for it. If I were still a married woman, I would have asked my beloved for a little comfort.
I am still feeling cranky and vulnerable this morning. A hot bath will help. So will some cold pizza for breakfast. And my visiting teacher is coming over tonight. If I still need to be held while I cry, she would be a safe person to ask. I am thankful to have tomorrow night to anticipate, and the last bit of foofing around here so that the public areas of the house will be somewhat ready for company.
They’re not coming to see my house. And creating a nice dessert for them is just the sort of loving service that I need to offer, right now.
My Valentine’s Day roses never made it out of their bundle, though I kept their ends in water. Last night I shook the petals into the bowl that Brother Sushi gave me several Christmases ago.
LittleBit will get her act together, in her own time and Heaven’s. I take enormous comfort in remembering how strained my relationship with Firstborn used to be, and how lovingly we get along now.
And in the meantime, there is knitting.
- Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!