Balzac! (The magnet is back!)

But first, this breaking news! A new comment a couple of days ago on an old, old post of mine: “Just googled ‘flouride [sic] varnish burping’ because I was curious if this is a common issue - ‘solvent’ is the perfect word that I could not think of when explaining my issue to a coworker. Thanks!” If you google same, I am currently the third entry down. Woohoo! 15 minutes of google-fame, here I come.

So, I went to the singles’ conference, and I may have enjoyed myself, and I came home to this in my Facebook inbox:

“How are you doing today. My name is [name], [age] years old...I just joined this facebook and i saw your profile which really caught my attention and i developed a special interest in you. I am a widowed/single man, loyal, responsible, active, loving, caring, kindhearted, accommodating and s*xy. I want a woman with a good heart, one with good knowledge about love and who knows how a man is been [??] treated, age or color difference do not matter to me at all, as long as she loves me, I want a relationship that will last forever and won’t fade.”

I sent him a response that was brief, courteous, and I hope Christlike: “I see that one of your friends is a friend of one of my friends. Are you by any chance LDS? Where in the country (or in the world) do you live?”

To which I got a copy of his original email, with this addition: “Dear, you are such a lucky woman cos you are the only and first woman that has contacted me so far. I feel more comfortable talking to you now on yahoo messenger and my yahoo IM is [name] ... Give me your yahoo I.D and my email address is [address] ... I will be awaiting your swift response. ... Hugs and Kisses, [ApparentPsycho]”

To which I responded: “You haven’t answered my questions, and I don’t chat with people I don’t know in real life.”

As Marian the Librarian said, “I know what the gentleman wanted. You’ll find it in Balzac.”

I guess this was just to see if I was awake and paying attention in the workshop on healthy relationships yesterday. What do you think? If I don’t get a lucid [non-canned, properly punctuated] response from him in the next 24 hours, I’m blocking him.

As I wrote another Facebook friend, before reading this guy’s email, “And there was an email waiting for me here from some guy I don’t know who appears to think I might be the love of his life. ... Is it bad that what came to mind was the Dorothy Parker line ‘what fresh h--- is this?’ ... The irony of this is not lost on me: that I come home from a singles’ conference and find an email from a presumed [non-LDS man], who in the economy of God might actually *be* or become the great love of my life, and now I have to come up with a Christlike response to somebody who may or may not be merely psychotic.”

Well, we see that my instincts were correct. That’s refreshing, and reassuring. And now I have a lesson to prepare.