About Me

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Five years into widowhood, after one year of incredible happiness and nearly 14 years of single blessedness. Have given up perfect manicures and pretty hands in order to resume playing the soprano recorder and to see if I can figure out how to play bluegrass banjo. Singing in the shower. Still really, *really* love to knit!

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Balzac! (The magnet is back!)

But first, this breaking news! A new comment a couple of days ago on an old, old post of mine: “Just googled ‘flouride [sic] varnish burping’ because I was curious if this is a common issue - ‘solvent’ is the perfect word that I could not think of when explaining my issue to a coworker. Thanks!” If you google same, I am currently the third entry down. Woohoo! 15 minutes of google-fame, here I come.

So, I went to the singles’ conference, and I may have enjoyed myself, and I came home to this in my Facebook inbox:

“How are you doing today. My name is [name], [age] years old...I just joined this facebook and i saw your profile which really caught my attention and i developed a special interest in you. I am a widowed/single man, loyal, responsible, active, loving, caring, kindhearted, accommodating and s*xy. I want a woman with a good heart, one with good knowledge about love and who knows how a man is been [??] treated, age or color difference do not matter to me at all, as long as she loves me, I want a relationship that will last forever and won’t fade.”

I sent him a response that was brief, courteous, and I hope Christlike: “I see that one of your friends is a friend of one of my friends. Are you by any chance LDS? Where in the country (or in the world) do you live?”

To which I got a copy of his original email, with this addition: “Dear, you are such a lucky woman cos you are the only and first woman that has contacted me so far. I feel more comfortable talking to you now on yahoo messenger and my yahoo IM is [name] ... Give me your yahoo I.D and my email address is [address] ... I will be awaiting your swift response. ... Hugs and Kisses, [ApparentPsycho]”

To which I responded: “You haven’t answered my questions, and I don’t chat with people I don’t know in real life.”

As Marian the Librarian said, “I know what the gentleman wanted. You’ll find it in Balzac.”

I guess this was just to see if I was awake and paying attention in the workshop on healthy relationships yesterday. What do you think? If I don’t get a lucid [non-canned, properly punctuated] response from him in the next 24 hours, I’m blocking him.

As I wrote another Facebook friend, before reading this guy’s email, “And there was an email waiting for me here from some guy I don’t know who appears to think I might be the love of his life. ... Is it bad that what came to mind was the Dorothy Parker line ‘what fresh h--- is this?’ ... The irony of this is not lost on me: that I come home from a singles’ conference and find an email from a presumed [non-LDS man], who in the economy of God might actually *be* or become the great love of my life, and now I have to come up with a Christlike response to somebody who may or may not be merely psychotic.”

Well, we see that my instincts were correct. That’s refreshing, and reassuring. And now I have a lesson to prepare.

1 comment:

Jenni said...

You make me laugh. And ps as of the time of this comment, you are the number one and two items on google when searching for "fluoride varnish burping". I have helped to make you even more famous. You're welcome. You'll really have to beat the guys off with a stick now.