Jokes the new guy has sent me.

1) Men’s Logic

The following is perfectly logical to all males.

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”

A short time later the husband returns home with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asked him, “Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?”

He replied, “They had eggs.”


2) Not So Humble

I was once a legal secretary to a young law clerk who passed the bar exam on his third try. This fledgling attorney worked hard on his initial pleading, which should have read “Attorney at Law” at the top of the first page.

After I submitted the finished document for his review and signature, I was embarrassed when he pointed out a critical typing error. “Must you rub it in?” he asked.

I had typed: “Attorney at Last.”


3) Advice to an old guy

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady.

He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?”

The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I would try the ATM in the lobby.”

***

The chemo cap is done. The mailing label is prepared. I have also gathered up the Addi Turbo’s which Tola wants and prepared a mailing label for them. Now to hie meself to the post office while they are open this morning and get them on their way.

I gathered up the new lace bits I was given by an attorney friend (leftover from her mother-in-law’s estate sale) and found a container for them, as well as the other lace bits I bought when my second doll was on-shipping. I think the project du jour will be to gather up all of my crochet thread and organize it, first by size and then by color, and put it into clear storage containers, and stack those in my studio.

My own vintage stuff, DMC #30 Cebelia white cotton thread bought at 75% off from a shop in Richardson that closed when I was pregnant with Middlest, is largely in an underbed storage box that resides under The Chastity Bed in my studio. I have another of those boxes which is totally empty, but it is too tall for a single layer of the larger (Coats & Clarks) balls from my friend, and not quite tall enough to stack them two-high.

I would love to keep them in red document boxes from the Container Store, as I do with my printer papers here by my desk, but it does not make sense to me to spend $30 on containers to protect $40 worth of thread (estimating $1 per ball; no idea what current prices are*). So I will probably take an empty box with me to Jo-Ann’s and get stackable clear plastic containers that are roughly the same size.

I also need to tackle Mount Washmore, and bathe, and eat breakfast, though not necessarily in that order. And I have no idea what should go on my needles next.

Tonight is the annual Relief Society broadcast. I walked to my first, in Provo, when Firstborn was a babe-in-arms. I have missed very few of them in the years since. And this would have been my 34th anniversary with the children’s father, which means that I can expect all sorts of weirdness to crop up today. I hope the day comes when I can celebrate 34 years, in mortality, with a beloved eternal companion. But if not, I do realize that I am incredibly and wonderfully blessed to live the life I have.

*DMC Cebelia #30 now retailing for $5.99 a ball; I have 14 balls. Coats & Clarks’ closest equivalent is their Aunt Lydia line; those balls retail for about $3.00 a ball now. I have 13 large balls and 21 small balls, plus half a dozen small balls of #5 pearl/perle cotton. American Thread Co. is no longer in business; I have three large balls. So I guess the replacement value of my crochet thread stash is roughly $170.00. I’m still not spending $30 to round it up and keep it dust-free.

Breakfast. Breakfast would be good.